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Showing posts from 2010

The fast food matrix has you

Before I get into this, I just want everyone to know that when I read Fast Food Nation, all it really did was make me crave McDonalds Chicken Nuggets.  Like, a lot.  I don't know what that says about my character, personality, will-power, etc. but at least I didn't act on the urge.  At least not right away.  I waited two weeks and then got the 50 nugget deal and washed it down with a large fry. 

As the shame and regret of what I'd just done began to set in, I started thinking about this stuff we consume by the ton per year.  The first thing that jumped into my mind, besides the start of a nugget induced blood clot, was a quote from The Matrix back in 1999.  It goes like this:  Cypher (played by the adorable Italian Joey Pants) is having a conversation with Elrond about reality vs. Rivendell, or something like that.  During the conversation, he takes a sip of what can only be Chianti, leans back, and says:

"You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that whe…

What are you remembering on Memorial Day?

As I sit here at the end of Memorial Day, at the Portland International Airport, listening to drunken frat bro's talk about the posteriors of passing maidens, my mind can't help but wander to actions of military service men and women in the world's wars over the  yyears.  Don't ask me how it correlates, because it just doesn't.

I am remembering the stories of my Grandpa Prentice, and how he was put on trial for his life in front of a military tribunal for desertion during wartime.  His crime?  He went awol while saving the family farm from a blood sucking lawyer who was trying to fleece my great grandmother.  Not only was he acquitted, he ended up knocking out the guard who spat in his food while he was in the brig.  He received the purple heart after being wounded when the ammunition ship he was on was dive bombed by a Kamikaze.

Now as I listen to the bearded hipsters behind me talk of pabst blue ribbon, Bon Iver, and rolling their own cigarettes, I'm reminded…

Two and a half man-babies

I watched an episode of two and a half men the other day. Let me explain why. It wasn't that I was curious about that train wreck of a sitcom, it was that I couldn't believe my local tv station would allow a show about a polygamous transgendered family on the air. It's a little risqué, even for CBS.

Imagine my surprise when I got 13 1/2 minutes of Charlie sheen mugging for the camera in order to collect 5 million per episode. I know the dollar ain't what it used to be, but come on.

What struck me most about the show was the utter disregard for any sort of humor. Opting instead for the popular, "witty banter between male rock head, and intelligent in-touch with feeling feminine person." I can't say female because that role was played by a male character, although I did have some doubts at first.

However, let me tell you what passes for "wit" these days. Someone, usually masculine character, states something. Feminine character then proceeds to ra…

The 10 Habits of Happy Couples

Psychology Today, in all their arrogance, has posted a roadmap to success for couples in search of a happy relationship. You can find the article here. Let's just pick through this real quick.

Here's a gem! "Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps." Combine this with the super creepy ad for sleep number beds where they pretty much tell you to go ahead and come home drunk at 3 in the morning because your partner won't be disturbed by your fat butt rolling into bed on a sleep number matress, and you've got a recipe for disaster.  Now, I actually tried this.  It did not work.  Janelle was way more pissed off at 3 in the morning when she was roused by my profanity laced tirade during Xbox live play time.  So, unless the thing you're planning on waking back up and doing is walking over rice paper on a bed of down feathers, b…

That big silver screen in the sky

Some guys and I decided to read through the Belgic confession this year. I know what you're thinking: "But Jesse! You never finish anything!" You're right to say that internet person, and thank you for stating it. Now it's out there, you can shut up.

Anyway, the last article talks about the end of days and how everyone will be milling around on judgment day getting, well, judged. Part of this judgement process seems to be the bringing to light all the acts of the individual being judged. For some reason that just hit me really hard.

Think about it. You're there, your friends are all there, your family, your kids, wife, everyone. And they're sitting there watching a slideshow of your life. Not a Scrubs finale slideshow, but a hard core, gritty, dirty, filthy reel of every dark private moment, thought, feeling, and action to ever take place in your life.

That time you came to Church hung over, the time you laid down a profanity laced smack down on s…

That Freedom Ring You're Hearing Is A Death Knell

Yesterday, Judge Vaughan Walker overturned proposition 8 in California. A commenter on one news site said, "Amen, hallelujah, let freedom ring for everyone!" This brings into view a despicable tactic used by supporters of the homosexual agenda. They cast themselves as "freedom fighters," on par with groups that ended slavery and segregation. It creates an environment that lets them call anyone who disagrees with them bigots, extremists, homophobes, fascists, etc. After all, who wants to stifle freedom?

As Christians, we are really the only group entirely able to experience true freedom. We know what it means. We have a moral code that guides us in it's meaning, the Bible. Through God's word we realize that although we're able to do all things, not all things are lawful for us. Trying to attain freedom in the absence of this absolute, true moral code is really just shackling yourself to sin and death.

In the book of Judges, one phrase rings part…