Skip to main content

Two and a half man-babies

I watched an episode of two and a half men the other day. Let me explain why. It wasn't that I was curious about that train wreck of a sitcom, it was that I couldn't believe my local tv station would allow a show about a polygamous transgendered family on the air. It's a little risqué, even for CBS.

Imagine my surprise when I got 13 1/2 minutes of Charlie sheen mugging for the camera in order to collect 5 million per episode. I know the dollar ain't what it used to be, but come on.

What struck me most about the show was the utter disregard for any sort of humor. Opting instead for the popular, "witty banter between male rock head, and intelligent in-touch with feeling feminine person." I can't say female because that role was played by a male character, although I did have some doubts at first.

However, let me tell you what passes for "wit" these days. Someone, usually masculine character, states something. Feminine character then proceeds to rattle of an acerbic reply, designed to cut the other person off at the knees and feed him his manhood in the most sarcastic way possible. You can reverse these roles between masculine and feminine, bit the conversation always goes the same way. Here's an example.

Person A: "hey I brought home some steaks for dinner."

Person B: "what, are camping with your buddies? How about a nice salad once in a while King Artery Failure of Cholesterol mountain!"

Cue laugh track.

Incidentaly, the laugh track is the single worst thing to happen to comedic television in the history of, ever. It's like that really annoying kid who used to laugh at his own fart jokes. Before you ask, yes, I was that kid.

Anyways, the reason this is horrible is because it creates an environment that says it's okay to talk to other people like that. If what was said in television happened in real life, the end result would be years of unsuccessful marriage therapy, followed by a messy divorce that would leave barely 1 1/2 man, let alone two. Which is probably why there is so much of that going around these days. Thats right, the militant homosexual movement and 2 1/2 men are single handedly bringing down the marriage institution in the US.

That claim might be a little absurd, but I do believe if men and women spoke to each other with more respect, we wouldn't have so many problems in our society. Contrary to popular belief, words do actually mean things.

Speaking of which, the words to the theme song are brilliant. Here, I'll recite it for you. "men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men manly men men men men..." and so on and so forth ad infintum.

Yep, the show starts off literally PLEADING with us to believe that they're men, while giving us zero evidence to support their claim.

My point, as I'm sure you've all realized by now, is please bring back Jack Bauer. Thank you.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Popular posts from this blog

Is it time for an Italian American President?

Rudy Giuliani has thrown his hat in the ring for the 2008 Presidential race. For those of you who don't know, Mr. Giuliani was one of the driving forces behind the gangland prosecutions of the 5 New York Mafia families. His skillful maneuvering of the revolutionary RICO statutes helped break the Italian Mafia's strangle-hold on New York and surrounding area's. I will wholeheartedly support Rudy Giuliani as President and I'll tell you why.

With the tragedy of 9/11 came a shift in focus from the drug war and fighting organized crime, to "Homeland Security." Ironicaly, along with this shift in focus, came a relaxation of the former hard nosed pursuance of drugs and crime. No longer did the Organized Crime Task Force receive priority funding and adequate staffing. They are back to the dark ages of the 1960's in terms of quality enforcement officials.

Once again, drugs and organized crime threaten our nation from within. The Russian, Albanian, Dominican…


Okay internet friends, I'm sure most of you know by now that thanksgiving holiday is nearly upon us. Like a beast from the depths it rises up, consuming the wooden ships of our pocketbooks. Like the great Krakken, it's tentacles of turkey en-wrap my innards with their tasty goodness. The great white mash potato shark eagerly gulps down the last remaining survivors of my will power. I am once again looking forward to being nearly crushed under my own massive weight after another feeding frenzy.

It's at this point that I'd like to make the announcment that I am starting a new holiday to compete with this yearly juggernaut of gravy and meat. I am calling it "Thankstaking." If you read that quickly it looks kind of like thanks stalking, which we'll get to later. I'm tired of the endless parade of people sucking up to each other, thanking each other for each menial deed done over the course of the year. If there's one thing I hate, it's a br…

This is important

I'm learning a lot of things and having a lot of things thrown at me as I start my own business.  I thought I would write about the most important lesson I've learned so far.

You cannot succeed, truly succeed, in life/business whatever, without the support of your wife.  If you're spending all your waking time trying to make a business work and your wife isn't 100% behind you, you're headed for failure.  Plain and simple.

Now, I'm writing this from the perspective of a human male, with a wife, but I'm sure the operation is the same if reversed.  Ladies, if you're considering a field to buy it, and your husband isn't behind the purchase with you, chances are that purchase is going to create some strife.

What I'm talking about here seems pretty common sense.  However, I think we assume it's common sense and don't think about it as much as we should.

If I am going to commit to making a business successful and profitable, I've got to h…