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Two and a half man-babies

I watched an episode of two and a half men the other day. Let me explain why. It wasn't that I was curious about that train wreck of a sitcom, it was that I couldn't believe my local tv station would allow a show about a polygamous transgendered family on the air. It's a little risqué, even for CBS.

Imagine my surprise when I got 13 1/2 minutes of Charlie sheen mugging for the camera in order to collect 5 million per episode. I know the dollar ain't what it used to be, but come on.

What struck me most about the show was the utter disregard for any sort of humor. Opting instead for the popular, "witty banter between male rock head, and intelligent in-touch with feeling feminine person." I can't say female because that role was played by a male character, although I did have some doubts at first.

However, let me tell you what passes for "wit" these days. Someone, usually masculine character, states something. Feminine character then proceeds to rattle of an acerbic reply, designed to cut the other person off at the knees and feed him his manhood in the most sarcastic way possible. You can reverse these roles between masculine and feminine, bit the conversation always goes the same way. Here's an example.

Person A: "hey I brought home some steaks for dinner."

Person B: "what, are camping with your buddies? How about a nice salad once in a while King Artery Failure of Cholesterol mountain!"

Cue laugh track.

Incidentaly, the laugh track is the single worst thing to happen to comedic television in the history of, ever. It's like that really annoying kid who used to laugh at his own fart jokes. Before you ask, yes, I was that kid.

Anyways, the reason this is horrible is because it creates an environment that says it's okay to talk to other people like that. If what was said in television happened in real life, the end result would be years of unsuccessful marriage therapy, followed by a messy divorce that would leave barely 1 1/2 man, let alone two. Which is probably why there is so much of that going around these days. Thats right, the militant homosexual movement and 2 1/2 men are single handedly bringing down the marriage institution in the US.

That claim might be a little absurd, but I do believe if men and women spoke to each other with more respect, we wouldn't have so many problems in our society. Contrary to popular belief, words do actually mean things.

Speaking of which, the words to the theme song are brilliant. Here, I'll recite it for you. "men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men manly men men men men..." and so on and so forth ad infintum.

Yep, the show starts off literally PLEADING with us to believe that they're men, while giving us zero evidence to support their claim.

My point, as I'm sure you've all realized by now, is please bring back Jack Bauer. Thank you.



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